“‘Can I be comfortable in my own skin regardless of what’s going on around me?’ And that to me is the definition of true success.”Peter Crone
After I had my third child Mack, I signed up for a 12 week “ab rehab” course online. This is exactly what I need! This will get me back in shape, feeling stronger and better than ever. I have no doubt it absolutely would have. The problem is, I stopped after day 3. I missed day 4 and started telling myself stories. Since I missed a day, the calendar is off and won’t line up — I guess I should quit. I don’t have time anyway. What was I thinking signing up for it with a newborn and 2 older kids? I will do it later when I have “time.”
“Perfectionism is the belief that something is broken – you. So you dress up your brokenness with degrees, achievements, accolades, pieces of paper, none of which can fix what you think you are fixing.”― Edith Eger, The Choice: Embrace the Possible
My experience with Ab Rehab stands out to me as it’s been longer than I would like since I last posted. I set out with the goal of posting once a week and for the first two years, I pretty much adhered to that goal. However, in this last year and specifically in these last three weeks, I have come up with exactly 147 excuses for why I have missed my mark. However, the more time I spend reading, reflecting, and practicing self compassion, the less time I let my mind spend playing the failure narrative over and over in my head.
In both instances, I committed to a goal; goals that I wanted to accomplish. And in both instances, I missed my target. In the case of Ab Rehab, I let my failure of missing one day end my goal. In the case of my blog, I’m not. I’m not letting a few weeks without a post define my success or future.
Will I write every week from here on out? Maybe? Unlikely. Accepting I am an imperfect human is freeing. Beating myself up for what I’ve done or not done has not proven to be helpful. It leaves me feeling worse and more importantly is a terrible model for my kids. I certainly don’t want to send the message, When you mess up, just give up.
A Time Out From Metrics
One thing that has been on my mind a lot recently is metrics. My love for all things social/emotional is not based on metrics. There are no likes, views, or number of comments to measure the qualities that matter most to me. I have stopped posting on Instagram and have since deleted both Instagram and Facebook apps from my phone. While there are absolutely parts of both social media platforms that I miss, stepping away from the metrics has been a gift I have given myself. Putting down my phone and trying to be truly present with my kids has been freeing.
I’m still trying to figure out my relationship with social media. I don’t think my cold turkey approach will be the answer, but I’m not sure what the answer is. Paying attention to how I feel before, during, and after I check these sites will likely be my best indicator of how much time I want to spend engaging with them. For now, I am enjoying more time away from my phone.
What is success?
I have written about success before and recently have been thinking about it a lot. Peter Crone’s quote, “Can I be comfortable in my own skin regardless of what’s going on around me?” sums up success perfectly. Each day, I am striving to be more comfortable in my own skin, regardless of what is going on around me. Regardless of the chaos, messes, endless to-do list, and exhaustion. Regardless of the fact that Keener took it upon himself to give Grace a “beauty styler” haircut with kid scissors… Regardless of everything, I am learning to tune in to myself, get to know myself better, and practice self compassion. For once again, I remind myself that I cannot control my kids, the weather, or the spread of COVID. I can only control myself — sometimes.